is coaching the right thing right now
Once coaching is on the table, there’s a natural assumption that it must be the answer. Often it is. But sometimes what’s in front of you needs solving rather than thinking about, sometimes it belongs to someone else to decide, and sometimes the timing is simply wrong.
introduction
Working that out properly matters more than it might seem, because coaching that isn’t right for the moment tends not to fail dramatically. It just quietly doesn’t help.
There’s an obvious problem with asking me this, and I’d rather name it than pretend it isn’t there. I’m the person who gets paid if the answer is yes. So this page is partly about how I think about the question, and partly about what I do about the fact that I’m not a neutral party to it.
And it isn't the same as no
sometimes the useful step isn't a conversation with me
Some things need doing rather than thinking through. A conversation you’ve been avoiding and already know you need to have. A decision that belongs to your employer, not to you. A change in circumstances that has to happen before there’s anything meaningful to reflect on. Coaching works with what’s genuinely yours to work on, and it isn’t a substitute for something that needs solving directly. If that’s what’s in front of you, a thoughtful conversation about it can even become a way of postponing it, which is the opposite of useful.
And sometimes what’s underneath a situation is closer to distress than to direction. If what’s most present is emotional difficulty that needs understanding and easing, particularly something long-standing, therapy is the more likely fit. I’ve written separately about where that line actually sits, since it’s the question I’m asked most.
Timing is its own thing, separate from suitability. People arrive in the middle of a house move, a bereavement, a restructure that hasn’t landed yet, and what they need first is for the ground to stop moving. That isn’t a judgement about whether coaching would suit them. It’s a judgement about whether this month is when it would do its work.
Chosen, not assigned
Coaching goes well when someone actually wants it, and much less well when it’s been assigned to them by a manager, an organisation, or a well-meaning friend.
It’s worth being specific about why, because it isn’t just a matter of enthusiasm. When someone has been sent, the conversation tends to acquire an audience. They’re careful about what they say. They wait to find out what I’m looking for and offer a version of it. Quite reasonably, they keep an eye on what might get back to the person who sent them, and they present the account of themselves that a competent person would give. All of which is a sensible response to being sent somewhere by someone who writes your appraisal. It’s also incompatible with the thing coaching is for, which needs you to be able to say the unfinished, unflattering, or half-formed thought without managing how it lands.
This isn’t fatal, and it often shifts. People who arrive reluctantly quite frequently find something in it they want for themselves, and at that point the work becomes theirs rather than their employer’s. What doesn’t work is proceeding as though the question is settled when it isn’t. So if it sounds like you’re here because you feel you should be rather than because you want to be, I’ll ask about that directly rather than get on with it and hope.
you're not always the best judge of this, and nor am I
The thing that brings someone to coaching often isn’t the thing the coaching turns out to be about. That isn’t people being wrong about their own lives. It’s that the most pressing problem is usually the loudest one rather than the underlying one, and the loudest one is what you can see when you’re standing in it. Someone arrives to think about whether to leave their job and the useful conversation turns out to be about what they’ve been agreeing to for the last two years. Neither of us could have known that in advance.
Which is why a first conversation isn’t a test you pass or fail, and why I’d be wary of anyone who could tell you the answer from an enquiry form. Working out what this is actually about is already part of the work, not a hurdle in front of it.
My own judgement has a problem attached to it, which is the one I named at the top. I have an obvious interest in concluding that coaching is the right thing. I don’t think that stops me judging it well, but it would be strange to pretend the pull isn’t there, so it’s worth saying what I do about it. I’d rather turn work away early than take on something that won’t be useful. That’s partly how I’d want to be treated, and partly self-interest of a longer kind: work that doesn’t help doesn’t stay quiet. It ends early, it doesn’t get recommended, and it costs a good deal more than the fee was worth.
what we actually work out together
This is a good deal of what a Discovery Call is for. It isn’t me deciding whether to take you on. It’s both of us working out whether this is the right thing, and whether it’s the right thing now.
I’ll ask what’s brought you to it, and what you’re hoping will be different. I’ll ask whether this feels like your own choice. And I’ll ask whether there’s anything more immediate that needs attention first, because if there is, that’s usually where to start.
If I think coaching isn’t the right starting point, I’ll say so and explain why. Where I can, I’ll point you towards what would serve you better, whether that’s therapy, a conversation you need to have with someone else, or simply coming back when the ground is steadier. I’d rather be honest about that than take on work that isn’t a good fit, and in my experience people can tell the difference.
signs it's probably the right time
There’s a decision in front of you that you want to think through properly before you commit to it.
Something is changing, or your responsibilities have grown, and you haven’t quite caught up with what that asks of you.
You want space to think rather than someone to tell you what to do.
And it’s your own wish to understand your situation more clearly, not someone else’s wish for you.
If that’s roughly where you are, it’s very likely worth exploring. A Discovery Call is a free thirty-minute conversation online, and it’s the simplest way for both of us to find out.
Common Questions
What if my employer suggested coaching to me?
That’s fine, and it’s common. What matters is whether it’s also something you want, rather than only something you’ve been sent to do. We’d talk about that early, and it’s a better conversation to have out loud than to leave sitting underneath the work.
What if I'm not sure whether coaching or therapy is what I need?
That’s a reasonable place to start from, and plenty of people can’t tell at the outset. I’ll help you think it through in the Discovery Call, and I’ve written at length about where the distinction actually sits.
What if it isn't the right time? Can I come back later?
Yes, and people do. Not yet is a real answer rather than a polite refusal, and it usually comes with a reason attached, something that needs settling or deciding first. When that’s done, get back in touch. There’s nothing to reapply for.
Will you turn someone away if you don't think coaching is right for them?
Yes. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens, and it’s one of the more useful things I can offer. Where I can, I’ll suggest what might serve you better instead.
How do I get started?
Send a short message about what’s brought you to coaching using the form below, or contact me directly by phone or email. You don’t need to prepare anything in advance, and I usually respond within two working days.
